Ok... I should quit myself from this friendship with no regrets. Thank you for giving me such informative truth. He said he wasn't free to travel because of the shop and photography. And now he's going to India with other "friend". I'm an idiot... being fooled from head to toe. Don't trust people so easily. Lesson learned. Goodnight.

Enjoy your life.. using people.

Stop counting

Oh.. been few days that I have stopped counting the days. I would say it's a good sign and I survived again after all.

Gave myself a chance to restart and first step is to love myself more. So, I treated myself a staycation at Grand Hyatt hotel a night for this long weekend. It's expensive but I get to rest and enjoy the time being alone. Had a Nice cocktail and dinner tonight. Also, the bathtub with flower petals... it's supposed to spend for his birthday but I guess not necessary... he might feel scared of me. And today he admitted there was this girl. OK., I feel ok with it. Because at least no lying.

He called me today. I believed there was some conversation between he and Viv behind me. He and Stanley warned me to ignore Viv. I'm confused...

Don't care... the queen size bed with thick lining is all mine tonight :)

Goodnight.

10th

Day 10

Doing pretty well today. Work load is getting heavier, quite enjoy having tight schedule which can cool down my mind and at the same time let me have no time to think too much. The industry is really very competitive, a bit frustrating when after putting something so much effort to secure the business, but at the end lost to the big A.

I received a fb call from UK today afternoon. I guess it was because the car that I bumped into yesterday in KL when I was on the way home. He saw me. Was that account created by him just to prank call me or stalk me like last time? Why are these people doing this to me? Am I that interesting to be followed or fooled?

I had enough of ridiculous experience. Especially from her. Please stop and give a me peace of mind. Stop feeding me info and contacting my friends, and stop black mailing me. Anyway, I have to count on myself as well... if it's not because of me avoiding problems, I wouldn't have lost a friend. Is he still care about me as a friend? I think like what she said.. he's got a lot of friends to spend time with..  I was just the stepping stone for him to look for more valuable ones. Maybe she's right..

Tomorrow is another busy day. I better sleep early. I felt that I'm 10 years older after since 10 days ago. I can't let myself to continue like this. Not worth it.

9th

Down with fever and headache finally. Didn't rest enough continuously for 9 days.

Rushed to Gleneagles Hospital In KL for a seminar with clients and met my favourite ex colleague Gabby for lunch after the seminar. We were so exciting talking about our HLA life and anticipating to work together again if the new insurer willing to take both of us in. Gonna send my resume to Lester tonight and hope the HOD is looking forward to work with us as well since we both are experienced and work along very well.

At least there's something motivating me and stop me from thinking so much. I received another message from Viv again this morning. OK... he got a girlfriend now. So? I'm already not contacting him, not interfering his privacy, not controlling his movement, what else she wants from me? Viv... sorry that I didn't know been close with Stanley would hurt you but I swore that we are solely friends, he is just a friend, brother etc. I will block her if she continues to disturb me.

Cheese....

8th

I'm tired... I'm still thinking who's right and who's wrong.

I nearly banged by a motorbike this afternoon when I was crossing the road in front of my office block. I'm so so so soulless these days. I'm exhausted...

Wanted to plan a road trip for his birthday like last year, since he bought me air ticket to Busan early of this year. I guess... no need already.

Yin Fhan's wedding is on this Sunday. Gonna see most of out ex uni mates... feeling a bit nervous.

7th

Day 7

I braved myself to text Bryan last night and apologised to him. He acknowledged my text and assured me that I'll be his friend irregardless. Glad to hear that and I have nothing to expect from him anymore.

Woke up at 12pm. Didn't really sleep well but still able to rest as much as I needed. Planning to take my breakfast but all the appetite gone when I received Viv's whatsapp message. She contacted privately with Bryan again. She told me that he will not entertain my problems anymore. She felt happy with that... was that her plan to ruin my friendships and laugh at me with folded arms? What does she want from me?? Scary... at the same time I'm confused. Is that true? I dare not clarify with him. I guess I shall just leave it aside. I don't know what's happening to my life... friends don't look like a friend to me, messy... Happy Garden isn't a happy place or a good Feng shui place to stay at maybe.

Learn to love yourself more... don't rely on people for happiness. Always remember!

6th

Day 6

I woke up at 10am today. I have never slept more than 5 hours for the past few days. I had 10 hours sleep today, I felt good and refreshed. My friend was keep checking on me these few days to make sure I eat and sleep. Thank you for caring me so much about me.

Don't worry too much, a lazy person with weak minded tends to forget the what should be done and what shouldn't be done. My princess character was getting worse and thought everyone has to please me since I'm always looking decent to people. I was so wrong... after this incidence, I really have to brave myself to face the truth and not to twist and turn the fact to avoid the problems, which i have been doing it for many years. I was just living in my self created drama, living in my own ideal world. Was it considered as one kind of mental illness?

I guess... it was. If I continued with living in there, my new home would be in Tanjong Rambutan LOL..

Pull me back to the track if you feel I'm out of the scope. I'm always willing to learn and understand...only when I'm hit by huge impact.

Aaasssshhh!